Tuesday, December 30, 2008
A New Years Eve Romantic Dinner
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Christmas In Naples
Pelicans everywhere. They flew so close to our balcony I think they would have whizzed by close enough to touch if we hadn't had screens. The first time I saw pelicans flying in Mexico I asked the consierge what sort of dinasours they were (a very blonde moment). However son Kevin topped that when his siblings were recounting the animals they saw on a trip to the zoo Christmas Eve. Jeff said "We fed the zebras" to which Kevin replied "So what". Then Jeff said "And we fed the unicorns" to which Kevin replied "Big deal". OH YEAH!! I might add Kevin is also blonde. Score two. Three if you count me sleeping on stangers shoulder in airport.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
My Sister
That the sky would liftThat I'd find my place
That I'd see your face in the door
And the sun would glint
On a time well spent
On a time that ain't no more
David Gray
Slow Motion
I don't know how to start this other then I miss you. It has been a little over a year since you have been gone. I try not to bring back memories but I am now because I have a place to be myself and to share.
I remember the time you were "babysitting" me and our two younger sisters, We were sitting on the couch and you kept shoving powdered donuts in my mouth to keep me awake. Lol!
And the many times that Dad would have us order a pizza from the "Black family" (that was their last name). They made pizza's from their home in a special oven and we of course were in the middle of nowhere so that's all we had. Dad would fall asleep and we would have to ride the bike 3 blocks to pick up the pizza. No small feat since we had to ride the last block uphill, me on the handle bars, you peddling, and wow, what a fun trip going downhill home, me trying to balance the pizza, you trying to maneuver the brakes!
Fast forward. I lived in a studio apartment in Lincoln Park. After I had my fill of living alone and trying my best to dress like Madonna, (it was the eighties after all!) I came to your house crying my eyes out over a guy who had totally done me wrong. You let me in, made us some tea and you sat listening to me pour out my heart. It was 2:00 a.m. and you had to be at work in the morning, but you comforted me. I will never forget that night.
You were always ahead of the game. I think you did shabby chic before Rachel Ashwell even wrote a book. You scouted antique shops, your home was was a mix of old and new and you loved pictures and paintings of pastel flowers. And what a gardener you were. Your favorite colors were pink and blue. Your flowers thrived as did you, you were always brown as a berry just from your gardening
You had a dry sense of humor, always coming in at the end of something someone would say and we would laugh our butts off. You were a little shy but you had plenty to say, you were just so damn funny.
Just around fall last year you went to the hospital for just a minor problem. 8 hours later you were diagnosed with cancer of the brain, spine, liver and lungs. The picture above, that I keep on my nightstand was taken just 2 weeks before, when you went pumpkin picking in the country. As your daughter would say later; " The woman could not take a bad picture".
Who would know that this was the beginning of the end? How can you pray for a miracle when the odds are so against you? My most heart wrenching moment came when I heard that you asked your doctor, "What will it feel like when I die?"
Just after last Thanksgiving, 2007, I got the call that you were gone. You have never seen Janie move so fast. Out the door, a 45 minute drive done in 20, I met the paramedics as they were coming up the sidewalk and they let me through solemnly. You were propped up in a hospital bed in her living room, looking like you were taking a rest. I held your tiny hands, still warm, cradled your head, your body, wanting never to let go.
How do we deal with loss like this? I watched my mother in her last hours. my mother in law also. I fed my mother through a tube in her stomach and read to her hours at a time when her eyesight failed. My mother inlaw, someone I so worried about accepting me 15 years ago, was also someone I loved so much and had to let go of.
I don't know how to end this. I just wanted it to be an outlet, which is why I started this blog. I don't care who is out there listening right now, I just want everybody, anyone, to know how special you were to me. Losing a sister is like like losing a limb. You go on, but it is so much harder.
I love all of you that visit my blog and I know we are here to lift each others spirits. But I know in my heart we are a sisterhood and I hope that I will be an example that we don't need to hold back on the realities of life.
I so wish everyone a magical and wonderful Christmas. May God bless you and yours and thank you so much for letting me let Leslie's light shine on in spite of a life taken too soon. Don't pity me, she would rejoice in the fact that I have found a place to open up.
oxox
Janie
Friday, December 19, 2008
Happy Anniversay Blondie & The Husband
December 14th The Husband and I celebrated our 22nd wedding anniversary. Wow, what a ride it has been. Some people say that they married their best friend but maybe it sounds frivolous but he became my best friend gradually. Life has so many hills and bumps and detours that sometimes you don't realize right away that this person has indeed become your best friend. And I did realize that eventually. And more. I do know that I was incredibly in love with him after our first date and knew I wanted to be married to him and only him. A short history: I was friends with The H. about two years before we started dating. We were business acquaintances. I first met him in person when his office invited my office to a Cubs baseball game outing. I knew he was my kind of guy when he shook hands with me while his other hand held a can of beer. It was 10:00 a.m. Well, we were tailgaiting at the famous Murphy's Bleachers in Chicago. He didn't stay long after the game or he would've seen me used as a target in the dunk tank back at Murphy's after the game, but it was all the talk amongst the offices. So we came upon each other several times at various functions. He was married to a cute little Irish girl from the Southside and they had two tiny little boys. One day I learned that his wife Patty passed away from breast cancer after a long fight. I was devastated thinking what a nice man he was to have this happen. Months passed and his partner called me one December day and invited me to come downtown. He said The H. was lonely and that I always made him laugh and it would cheer him up. So there you have it. Most of it anyway. I did go downtown and we had lunch in the Empire Room of the Palmer House Hotel (a veeeery ritzy place I must say so myself). The date was December 14, 1985. We both felt that little electric current you feel when you know something is right but we took it slow. I loved Jeffrey and Kevin immediately and we did lots of fun things together as a foursome. So without further ado, we said "I do" on December 14, 1986 (exactly one year to the exact date of our first date-get it??) in the Crystal Room of the Palmer House Hotel. And that is our fairy tale. We are quite a blended family. You see Mr. H. had already lost both parents. His inlaws, Patty's parents as well as her brothers and sisters were very close to Mr. H. and the boys and they welcomed me into the family with open arms. I will never forget their kindness. I call them my inlaws. And both girls that Mr. H and I had together call the inlaws Nana and Papa (Nana has since passed away).
So that is our love story. It wasn't as easy as I make it sound. I stopped working after I had Emily and by the time I was 30 I had 4 children under the age of 10. Whoo! But I DID IT!! I love this man with all my heart, he is kind and affectionate (he always wants to hold my hand everywhere we go) and is sooo funny. He is extremely intelligent and successful (if not handy, but I guess they don't have a course on that in law school!!) So read on:
A picture of me and the boys shortly before The Husband and I got married. (No, it was not before color film was developed!) We got on marvelously and I love looking at pictures when they were so young. You just want to eat them up!
Emily Elizabeth arrived in 1987 and that is when everything broke loose. It should have been an omen. She was a baby that cried day and night, as a toddler, would not sleep in her crib and cried everyday before preschool. On the other hand she was my right hand man, we went everywhere together (or I took her everywhere) and she was very tied to me. As she grew up she was very opinionated and stubborn, but she had a shy side and preferred to do solitary things. She was also very creative and ingenious, she taught me how to work a computer when she was just eight. Now she is studying interior design and I am sure she will thrive in a career where within she can channel all her intelligence and creativeness. And of course, she is still my best friend.
And then there were four. Little Abigail arrived in April of 1991, three weeks early, weighing a whopping 5 lbs. 1 oz. She was totally healthy and was a very mild, gentle baby. She smiled at everyone and was such a joy to be with. She is our sporty one, basketball, gymnastics, volleyball and cheerleading. She is considering college choices for next year and is torn between St. Ambrose University in Iowa or Western Illinois University which is near the Illinois/Iowa border. I am savoring these next nine months. By the way, she takes after her father who is French (all that dark hair!).
And finally, this is our Christmas card for 2008. Clockwise form upper left, Kevin, Jeff, Abby and Emily. We have been so blessed in so many ways. I thank my lucky stars that I met the man of my dreams and that he would fulfill them beyond my expectations. We are truly best friends in every sense of the word. Together I hope that we have instilled in our children values and principles that they will carry with them throughout their lives. I love spending my life with these extraordinary people and can't wait for more adventures, love and laughter. I once read that the journey is the destination. I'm all for that!! See ya all! xoxoThursday, December 18, 2008
Oh Christmas Tree
Friday, December 5, 2008
Designing a Kitchen
I hope everybody has a great weekend and stays warm, if only in your heart:).
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Staying Grounded
Monday, December 1, 2008
Taking a Moment to Breathe
Well back to the deep breathing issue. I feel ridiculously anxious. Why now, you ask, the holiday is over? I guess it's that feeling of things coming to a standstill. For a week (or more if you count all the clean-up fix-up projects I had) I have been running around like crazy to get everything ready, make everything perfect. And it was. Right down to the turkey coming out of the oven 3 hours before dinnertime. Yes, the opposite of our worst fear. Blame it on my lack of knowledge of my convection oven. Oh well, the warm gravy made up for the room temperature bird. So here I sit, the usual Monday morning mess around me; newspapers, half empty bowls of oatmeal, stray socks and shoes...oh yes, the breathing thing. What does one do when all that adrenaline runs out? What brings back that frenetic energy? What fills that empty space in our minds that usually says "go, go, go, move it!"? Have I become lost without that drive to plan, prepare, create, worry, despair ? This past weekend I didn't do much. It is very cold here in Chicago and we had some snow last night. The husband and Abby and I sort of lounged around in sweatpants reading, nibbling here and there and keeping the fire going in the fireplace. Even the dogs didn't want to go out. Well that was lazy and decadant. But now it's like the calm after the storm. I'll clean up the half empty oatmeal bowls, throw out 3 days worth of newspapers, maybe take a long hot bath and dream about...blank. Okay, the Redbook article is coming back, breathe in slowly through the nose deep into your abdomen and slowly out through pursed lips. Ahhh! Well we have Christmas in 25 days. I probably have close to 15 boxes to carry up. We need to go out for a tree before all the good ones are gone. My little Christmas Village has grown considerably and that can take hours to arrange. Abby has a Christmas dance next Friday and we'll need to go for a dress and shoes. We are having a cocktail party on the 13th and I have no idea what I will serve. And of course other people will be having parties and the invitations will start pouring in and, oh yes, doing my Christmas cards! I nearly forgot that 3 hour ordeal. Hey wait a minute, I feel a little panic! What could this be? Adrenaline? Newly found energy? No time for this deep breathing stuff. I've got to run.
A quick quote that makes me smile inside:
"Be as a bird perched on a frail branch that she feels bending beneath her, still she sings away all the same, knowing she has wings"
Victor Hugo
(French Writer)
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
My Blessings
Monday, November 24, 2008
Following My Own Advice
Well I went a little astray with what I started out on. My To Do List goes on and on and I have 3 more days to get this house in shape. I wonder what I have been doing the past couple of weeks knowing that company would be coming now. Curtains to be washed, book shelves organized, just so much clutter everywhere. I'm a clutter person, but I thought I did it in an organized way. Wrongo. And all the magazines advise against stressing yourself out over the small details. Well if your not going to stress out over them now, when will you?? These are things to be addressed sooner or later and why was I lying about reading this useless advice instead of DOING something??? Well, I'm going to started. Oh, FYI. Martha Stewart advises to take the turkey out of the freezer today to defrost in the fridge by Thursday. Goes to show you I do glean a little info from my magazines. Then again all Martha has to do is go out into her yard for a fresh bird. See ya!
Sunday, November 23, 2008
My Quiet Sunday (cont'd)
"Devote each day to the object then in time and every evening will find something done."
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Love this because there is a gorgeous street in Chicago named Goethe. Ha Ha.