Monday, February 8, 2010

A SNOWSTORM OF GUILT

I awoke today to hear there is going to be another 8-10' of snow in, as Al Roker likes to say, my neck of the woods. Ugh. We still have dirty snow. You know, patches of snow and slush and mud. Not pretty. So the very best I can ask for is that this new snowfall is going to at least leave us with a pretty white carpet.


Now you may be looking at the above picture and thinking, "Oh. This is how Blondie stocks up for a snowstorm...a lot of Rice A Roni, dog snacks and taco chips." Wrong. This is a small example of what I wake up to every morning. Granted., I pushed everything back and as close together as possible to look neater, and wiped the counter tops off (I don't want to air too much dirty laundry at once, for Pete's sake, and who is Pete?). I just want to ask you, are you the type that cleans up before you go to bed or do you just leave it all until the morning? It seems that even if I do a white glove number in my kitchen after dinner and I am the last one to go to bed, a mysterious little Messy Fairy comes in during the night and I wake up to a disaster. When I get up in the morning I like to have a couple of cups of coffee and catch up on some blogs. And having a counter full of stuff and a sink full of dishes (okay, sometimes they haven't even made it to the sink) waiting for me can really take the joy out of the morning.
Tomorrow will be one week since The Husband came home from his golf trip. These are his clubs, still in their flight bag. And no, this isn't really bad, having them there in front of the stove, because before this they were in the middle of the living room. You can see that they are also in front of a door. This door goes down to the basement and I think that is where the clubs are slowly heading. By spring they will be tucked away in a nice corner down there (if they take one step at a time, literally).


A long time ago after I had first gotten married, my mother learned that I was ironing The Husband's undershirts. I did this because we were short on space and they wouldn't all fit in his drawers unless I did this. She said to me, "Jane, if you start doing this sort of thing now, you will be doing it forever." I wasn't really sure what she was getting at, but I do now. Even if I skip or don't get around to the everyday morning clean up, jaws drop. I am like clockwork. A robot. Mom ALWAYS gets everything done. The advice I have always gotten is "Just don't do it." Sort of the opposite of the Nike ad. But one thing holds me back: If I don't do it, who will??


I hear a lot of bloggers talking about the time constraints they are under when it comes to blogging. It seems they want to a lot more than time allows and I sense an underlying guilt. I know I can feel this way. I juggle my housework, errands and cooking with blogging and I try to throw in some time for reading or crafting or just watching a movie. And I think I have a nice balance going here. The problem is, nobody else thinks so. I wonder if The Husband ever sits in his chair reading the paper or playing online poker, wondering, "Gee, I wonder if Jane is irritated at me. Should I be making her a snack?" Or Abby, lying on the family room couch watching another reality show about unwed pregnant teen couples, dirty dishes, headbands, bobby pins, magazine and nail polish remover all within fingertip reach, thinking, "Wow. I really feel bad about all of this. I should offer to make dinner tonight." Oh, my gosh. Knock me over with a feather. And I am supposed to feel guilty? Guilty???


About a year and a half ago I was in the hospital for a yucky surgery. I had one complication after another and ended up in there for a little over two weeks. As time went on The Husband and kids were getting a bit more demanding with the doctors on when I would be going home. The doctor's excuse, that I had pneumonia, wasn't satisfying them. One day in a pain medication induced dream, I too, was begging to go home. I was begging to go home because I had to clean. I woke up in a sweat and thought about the dream. I knew it was going to be a long road before I could actually get up and clean. And then it hit me. THEY didn't know that. THEY wanted me to come home and CLEAN! And cook. And do the laundry. Oh, it was enough to ask for more morphine.
On a lighter note, I finished this book, which I told you about last week...
...and moved on to this book, which I am halfway through and loving! As another blogger commented, it is a little more raw than the movie, but it is just the way the author is. I'm not crazy about profanity in a book unless it makes a point, and it does. And it is hilarious. I can't wait to see all of the movie when I am finished. I fell asleep before the end the time I rented it.
This is my personal bookshelf in my bedroom. I can honestly say I have only read about 3 or 4 of these books. I thought I had lost my love of reading. But I have found it. I am on a roll.
And this is my next book, which I received from my husband for Christmas (Do you read the 'Alphabet Books'?). I am assuming he wanted me to read and so I am going to do it...without guilt.

96 comments:

Kathy's Red Door Welcome said...

Hi there! So sorry I missed your birthday. A big whopping belated Birthday to You! You're hilarious. I personally have really given myself a break from thinking I'm the only one capable of cleaning. Of course it will never get done to our standards, but life's just too short to not have fun. I say leave those golf clubs in front of the stove and don't cook. L.O.L.

Cindy (Applestone Cottage) said...

OMG Jane,
I feel your pain dear! No, I don't think they feel guilty! It's just us wives and mothers! Why is that? I sure don't know but I am glad you asked the question. Katie called and wanted me to help her with some things today. I was glad to, until I realized that mostly I would be sitting in the car with her while she ran errands. And that's what I did, because otherwise I would feel guilty. Yikes! How do we get over this? Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Oh, we got snow but only about an inch this time. Hugs, Cindy

Betsy said...

Belated birthday wishes to you! Hope you enjoyed your special day!

This post made me laugh...oh, how I can relate! LOL!

laurie @ bargain hunting said...

Oh Jane, this was a great post! I loved every word of it! You expressed so well what we women feel - that if we don't do it, it won't get done! My addiction to blogging has freed me somewhat from that feeling! The first time my husband said something about how much time I was spending on the computer, I told him that I had raised our children, worked jobs, taken care of him and the house all of these years, and I never played bridge or went anywhere after work-except home to cook dinner for my family. Then I asked him if he could say the same thing about his social life. He hasn't said another word about my blogging. Years ago, when I had my gallbladder removed (the hard way-before they did the laproscopic surgery), I came home to dirty dishes in the sink and on the countertops all around the sink. When I asked why he hadn't put some of them in the dishwasher, he said he didn't know how to load it! That was an eye-opener for me. I am sooo glad I have a dishwasher, but to think that he didn't think he could load it!! Great post today! laurie

laurie @ bargain hunting said...

Sorry! I didn't know I'd given you another book to read until I saw my comment posted! laurie

Jane said...

Hi Jane,
I've been away from my computer for almost a week and just saw that I missed your birthday. Happy belated birthday and enjoy that trip to New Orleans!
Jane

The Quintessential Magpie said...

Hi, Janie!

Oh, how I would love to have a 48 hour day so I could work in more blogging time! My house, though, is a jealous mistress... she demands attention... paint me, make me some drapes, etc. ;-)

I love the golf club story. I have a few of those, too. LOL! And I can't imagine why you wouldn't want to get up out of a hospital bed to go home to clean. You bad girl, you! ;-)

XO,

Sheila :-)

The Quintessential Magpie said...

And I hope you got my birthday wishes! :-)

Linda (Nina's Nest) said...

I confess I can't go to bed unless the kitchen is clean. And I cannot for the life of me leave the house without the bed being made. Is that uptight or conscientious? Linda

Anonymous said...

great post. I would love to follow you on twitter. By the way, did any one learn that some chinese hacker had busted twitter yesterday again.

Deb said...

I know exactly where your coming from....I've even tried experiements leaving something undone to see if anyone would step up and do it...I left the bathtub uncleaned for 3 weeks...and nobody did anything about...I finally couldn't stand it...had to do it myself...my husband does do most of the cooking...and will do the dishes...so I don't have it too bad...

Karen said...

I am laughing out loud, great post... you see, it would be MY riding boots (golf bag) or kayak stuff or painting or art supplies that would be sitting in the bag near the door, waiting to get to their rightful place. And I can say I have NEVER ironed a t-shirt. Sometimes those dishes wait till the next morning, although I do hate a dirty sink when I go into the kitchen. I'm in the middle... my husband is the neat freak. But... it's MY job to clean everything. It's been an interesting..uh, DEBATE... in this house. :-)

Don't ever feel guilty for the little pleasures, we soooo deserve them.

I'm blogging right now instead of putting away the dinner dishes ... At least I cooked a good meal.

Stacey said...

What a fun post. :) Well first let me tell you that I like to go to bed with my kitchen spotless. Strangely, when I wake up I frequently find that someone has been cooking or eating. It's kind of funny...they know I don't like it so they creep around in the kitchen like mice. Sometimes I hear them. What does that say about me though? My kids are sneaking for food. Hmmm. I must be mean!

I feel for you getting more snow. We had a pretty good fall today but then it rained and melted all of it. Supposed to ice tonight.

C'est Moi, Julie Marie said...

Hi Janie... this is a great post! I know you read mine about "Hi, My Name's Julie Marie and I'm a Blogaholic"... well, I admit it, I am... I was going to take a little blog break, and as you can see, it lasted about one day... I don't ever feel guilty about blogging, infact, Jack is happy I do... I think he just misses me sometimes (which I thought was sweet!)... but I think I have found my balance now... I am one of those too that won't go to bed at night unless the house is in order, but I lucked out with Jack, he is not a messy guy, which is really quite amazing as most guys are! He always offers to help me and I don't let him... I am one of those women who actually LIKES to do housework, fold clothes, etc... I am just too hard on myself sometimes... anyway, I love the golfclubs sitting in your kitchen!!! As for all of your books, I do that as well... hope you had a happy birthday and I can't wait to see your posts about New Orleans! Hope all your birthday wishes come true!!! xoxo Julie Marie PS I retired two years ago after working full time for 40 years... I really do love visiting blogger ladies now and they are NICE, and HAPPY and FUN, unlike most of the women I worked with! YOU are adorable!!!

Karyn Bernard (French Charming) said...

Hi Jane,

I can relate to this on so many levels, as you know I've been struggling with balance myself and feel that often my hard work goes unnoticed...le sigh!

I just do the best I can and some days I triumph and some days I fail miserably, I guess I feel best when everything is in order and clean and most of the pressure I feel is brought on by moi.

I've been pondering this for awhile and I've come to the conclusion that when I'm lying on my deathbed, I want to have as little regret as possible and look back on my life and feel proud.

I'm not going to be proud that my house was perfect, or that all the laundry was done and put away. I'm going to be proud that I was the best me I could be, that I gave my best to my man, family and friends, that I made the best choices I could.

I adore your sweet spirt and your quick wit, you always give me a giggle Sweet Friend! Hang in there!!

Love and hugs,
Karyn

Marydon Ford said...

G'eve Jane ~ Happy belated birthday, sweet friend. Don't we ALL feel the way you so poignantly wrote. When things pile up, when I am sick ... I call in the cleaning lady ... it irritates me to NO end to see dust on the furniture & I can't take care of it. When she is done, I feel better.
Happy Valentine's
Have a beautiful week.
Hugs, Marydon

Charlene said...

Your mother was right! I have told new brides the same advise when I go to bridal showers (when you play the stupid game & have to write advice to the bride... Never start something you don't want to do the rest of your life because he won't understand why you stopped.. even after the kids come & your world is over the top busy. They pout like little children "you love them more than me") Stand firm for yourself girlfriend. NO!!!!!!! They do not feel guilty!!!!!!!!!!!! Have a wonderful week.

Kim said...

Girl I couldn't have said it any better than that. Ya hit the nail square on the head. I guess we are all in the same boat. A very special boat that is strong enough to hold us all! Good grief what would they do without us?

Leigh of Bloggeritaville said...

Bless you. I feel your pain. I also awake to a visit my the messy fairy. Weekends are the worst (my husband and boys are all night owls). I get so exasperated with them. I wish I had an answer. I have threatened, refused to clean. It doesnt seem to bother them. I did learn my lesson while in the hospital. Enjoy it. Sad thats where we must go to get rest!

Leigh
Tales from Bloggeritaville
www.lbratina.blogspot.com

Natasha said...

Hi Janie! Just wanted to say a quick hello and check that you got my birthday email.

Happy day,
Natasha.

Kimberly said...

You will love Julie and Julia, the movie, if you see it!! I am going to look for the other book you have just read!

Lynn said...

Sometimes I clean up at night and sometimes I clean up the next morning. Depends. I am NOT consistent.
I have read all of the alphabet books. One July day I floated in the pool and read the whole book. I think it was D or E!

Lorrie said...

Great post Jane! I don't have a bag of golf clubs in front of my stove, but I have items that have taken up residence on the steps of our staircase--shoes, books, bottles of shampoo. These items need to go upstairs and they are deposited there by me in the (apparently vain) hope that somebody heading up will give them a lift up and put them where they need to go.

Many years ago I commented on the fact that I am the only person that ever carries these things up, and asked for others to pitch in, only to find that each and every one of my family members claims that they DO NOT SEE these things; they are, in fact, invisible to everybody but me even if placed in the very middle of a step where they must be stepped over or around. We also have a Messy Fairy at our house...

Can't wait to read the latest Sue Grafton book, I'm a big fan of hers.

Shelia said...

Hi Jane! Oh, yes, I feel the guilty bug sometimes! I've noticed as I get older, a spotless house doesn't bother me as much as it used to.
A belated Happy Birthday!
Be a sweetie,
Shelia ;)

Cherrie said...

I love Sue Grafton's books. I have read them all! Waiting for the next one!

mbkatc230 said...

I thought the Messy Fairies only lived at my house. I so relate to this post, Jane. I've finally gotten to the point where I don't flip out if the house isn't spotless. But I still wish that there were about 5 extra hours in the day! Hugs, Kathy

Marla at Always Nesting said...

Great post. I used to be a fanatic about cleaning up the kitchen. Now, who cares if there are still a few dishes undone. Pans...leave em till the morning when I can tackle them after a good soaking. I'm so over being a perfectionist. Nobody in my home ever cared about dirt or dishes except me. I say leave em till morning.

Barb~Bella Vista said...

Hi Jane, sweetie, guilt is something only you can give your permission to let go of. Do what you need to do and are comfortable with....but sometimes it is okay to let others pitch in. Speak up and ask for what you need...there is NOTHING wrong in doing this.

Oh, I like to pick up the house before going to bed but sometimes I don't.....and I don't worry about it.

Sending you a hug!
Barb ♥

xinex said...

This all sounds so familiar, Janie. When I leave town, the bed at home is never made and when I come home, the house is really messy and I stay up all night unpacking and putting away everything. Recently, John confessed that he even hired someone to clean the house before I came home. I just laughed and asked what did she do? lol! Now that I am gone again, I told him to not hire anyone to clean inside the house b/c no one can do it the way I want it but he can hire someone to clean the windows. Have fun reading!...Christine

Julie@beingRUBY said...

hahaha Jane
You are so funny.. Abby thinking.. gee should i make mum a snack.. or was that your husband.. can't remember now i'm in the comment box.. but.. either way... it is funny!! I have to say it's so true about things never moving themselves... I live alone and my misplaced objects just never put themselves away!! I would get a tad scared if they did!! haha

Now missy.. i am sure your family wanted you home.. not to cook or clean.. but to put the spark back in the home!! Take care... and I do hope that all that cheese got grated and that YOU were invited to the party!! xx Julie

Domestic Designer said...

Great Post! I think we can all relate to so many of the things you said. I have a messy fairy that visits my house at night too...wonder if it could be the same one. Kind of like the tooth fairy hoping all over blogland leaving a mess at night? Ha! Have fun with all that snow. Can you believe the winter we are having? Take care!

Lori E said...

Well my first day back at work. Got home at 7:30 (not usual) and thought dinner would be ready or at least started. Lets just say hubby and I are cooking it now...together.
I am not fussy and can leave the mess.

Miki said...

I started her alphabet series and usually love mysteries/detective novels...but got a bit bored. Sigh, my husband can be "forgetful" about his things too, but to be fair I think I've adopted some of his ways! It's a bit better than always being fussy :-) Miki

Sue (Someone's Mom) said...

I'm lucky...I'm a neat freak and I married an almost neat freak. For years, most nights...I make dinner and he cleans up and loads the dishwasher. It drives us both crazy to leave any dishes in the sink-so, one of us takes care of it. The kids have moved out-one is a neat freak, on isn't at all.

As for blogging-I think the key is balance. I can't seem to find it. I keep adding blogs to the list that I follow and I don't want to miss anything!

Sue

Cottage Cozy said...

Happy Belated Birthday, Jane....I hope you had a truly wonderful day!

Hugs & Kisses,
Carrie

P.S. I do try to get the kitchen cleaned up before bed...but I get those fairies at my house too! What can we do?

Liz said...

I love an excuse to read! I'm reading some Jane Austen now. I'm the blogger that made the comment about Julie and Julia.... You will love the Movie. Meryl Streep was wonderful! Happy B-Day!

~Liz

The Stylish House said...

Hi Jane,
I can relate to this post and it looks like many others can also. I'm always trying to keep balance in my life. Eat right, work, exercise, social, cleaning the list is a big one.
I also wanted to touch base and thank you for celebrating my 1st Blogiversary with me, and entering the PB giveaway.
Cathy

Paula said...

It is hard to live a balanced life. There always seems to be too many "to dos" and not enough time to do them. I love Sue Grafton and haven't yet purchased her latest book but I will!

Aunt Amelia's Attic said...

I don't know where you get this "Guilt Thing" from, Sweetie. But I really wish you'd find out [from where]. And Kick It To The Curb.

'Auntie' sezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...
.

Nezzy said...

Sorry baby, I'm one of those guilty ones but this Ozarks farm chick also takes cleanin' to a whole other level. Almost (note I said almost) to an illness all it's own. Do I clean up before bed....oh honey, I clean up before, during and after everything! I dedicate Fridays to what I call Deep Clean Fridays where I do things like clean bathtub jets, furnace filters, those nasty little screens of the faucets and all the other stuff no one else ever thinks of. Now the real kicker is Friday is my favorite day of the week! Heeehehe!

From the hills and hollers of the Missouri Ponderosa, ya'll have a wonderfully blessed day!!!!

Lisa @ Another Day Today said...

LOVE this post!!

I've been trying to get in the habit of cleaning the kitchen and getting the coffee maker ready before I go to bed. There's something about walking into a messy kitchen first thing in the morning that starts me off on the wrong foot. But some nights, I just can't be bothered, and apparently it doesn't bother the other people who live in my house ;)

Judi said...

You are so right, I think it is just the women who feel guilty! You shouldn't feel guilty for taking some time for yourself! We all need it now and then :) Happy Belated Birthday! Judi

Barb said...

Hi Jane,

Happy belated birthday. Hailey just had one too! Jeff is at the end of the month. Many Feb. babies.

I am one of those that cleans up after dinner. Hubs helps so that is a very good thing. We are on the same wavelength.

When I started blogging, I thought I would be able to post daily- silly me. I blog when I can. I know I miss so much but I visit when I can visit. I don't feel guilty about it because I'm blogging without obligation-hehe.
When it feels like a "job" or a chore, that is when I will stop.

Have a wonderful week.

big hugs,
Barb

Melanie said...

You hit the nail on the head with this post. You poor thing...having a lot of kids and the hubby. I just have a hubby and one son but I do everything for them.

To answer your question, I go to bed with a clean kitchen. I am the last one in bed so i can clean up the bowls of cereal and milk glasses in the sink. LOL!

I would have taken the golf clubs down to the basement. I would have been using the stove everyday since I cook;) I love being a stay at home mom and wife but sometimes you think do they not see the gatoraide bottle next to the bed?

My husband says that my sons future wife is going to hate me since I do everything for him. I told him that he better get a good job so his wife can stay home because if he doesn't she will NOT be doing what I do and he will be helping. LOL!

I haven't read Julie & Julia but I have the book. I liked the movie too. Have you seen her new book? It talks about her affair that she was having when she was writing the book. WOW!

Knitty said...

I love this post! It made me laugh but I also feel your frustration. I can honestly say that Bill was never too bad and improved after being home years ago after foot surgery and watching how busy I was carpooling, keeping the house up, fixing dinner, etc. He took less for granted after that.

Life is always about balance. Finding time to do what has to be done and trying to save some time for fun stuff for yourself. I don't mind doing most of the traditional wife jobs, but once everyone is an adult, they should all pitch in a bit. 15 minutes of their time can result in an hour free for you, depending on how many of "them" there are and how difficult it is for you to figure out what to do with their stuff.

Lovely Scribbles said...

What a great post, Jane! I'm not a mother, and I'm the youngest of 5 (4 older brothers), but I recall a time when my mom felt the same way. Now that I'm married - no kids - I've discovered that I have my very own mysterious messy fairy just like you. Too funny!

The Summer Kitchen Girls said...

oh Jane....thanks for that peek into your kitchen - I get so discouraged sometimes when I look at some blogger's perfect homes :) with three kids & a dog and a business...mine is NOT! If it makes you feel better...mine is worse - especially since everyone is home, and I have "projects" of caulking, painting and taking down wallpaper - since I can't go anywhere today...or tomorrow for that matter!!
Oh....your mother is a wise woman for her words of advice! I remember my grandmother saying to never mow the yard, or your husband would think that you should do it :)
Enjoy your snowy day!

Jeannette said...

Hi Jane! Happy belated Birthday!!! I'm laughing after reading your post and all the ladies' comments! I think we all could learn from the book I posted about!! There is a paragraph on how we are all trying to keep the standards of our mothers rules back when they didn't live the same lifestyles we are living now!lol so true it is!!! I hate getting up to a messy kitchen but I'm learning slowly that it'll be okay I take my coffee and go to another room then come back when the caffiene kicks in!lol You always post what I'm thinking though! Enjoy your books!!! Sincerely, Jeannette

Shellbelle said...

Now honey, you need to reverse that guilt! I was in labor for 52 hours giving birth to my son, who weighed in at 9 lbs. 13 oz. Once he was old enough to understand what that meant I only had to look at him and say 52 hours and he did anything I ask. He just turned 39 last week and told me that next year when he turns 40 that guilt-trip all goes away. Guess I better start working on a new one.

I like waking up to a clean kitchen, so they get done before I go to bed. Well, most of the time.

Debbie @ ribbonwoodcottage.blogspot.com said...

Hi Jane. What a great post. what great thoughts, great understanding....great insight to how women feel. And do we ever resolve these feelings? Hmmmm....I don't know.....
Hubby asked me to watch t.v. with him and I glared at him and said "Who would get the work done?" As if that is more important that time with him. We bow too much at the altar called work...it becomes a God...but one that doesn't answer prayer! Ha!
I love the point you made.
Thank you dear one. Love your writing by the way...I can see a difference in your writing lately.
Thank you.
Debbie

Cozy Little House said...

I can say something to my husband about doing something and he'll say, "But I work." And I say, "What the h*** do you think I do around here? Eat bon-bons all day?" I'm pretty compulsive, but I will leave dishes soaking overnight. And the guest room, also what I call the cats' room, is where things get stored I can't find a place for. It's my untidy room. And my garage is an utter mess. Finding time for everything is not always easy. But we manage to do it.
Brenda

KarenHarveyCox said...

Happy Birthday Jane. I know, I know why is it that there is something so sacred about a man reading his newspaper...yet we always feel like we should be doing something else for someone when we dare indulge in something fun. I awake every morning to my two daughters and my husband leaving me little gifts. Yesterday my daughter made something delicious for all of her friends, and she left the house with one of my platters. Good girl, she remembered to bring it home, but she left it on the counter dirty for me to clean. Makes me wish I could have been a bit more demanding when they all first met me. Nah...it's just the way the cookie crumbles, uh oh I better pick up those crumbs.

Karen

P.S. even the dogs make me feel guilty when I am blogging and they give me one of those forlorn looks telling me they want to go out.

Crystal said...

Oh Jane, I know exactly how you feel. I have even gone on strike, but they just adjust to it not being done. Plus, I get embarrased, because someone I know drops by for a visit, ugh. As far as laundry, they just go buy more, or actually wear more of what is in their closets.
Thanks for sharing your wonderfully put sentiments.

Dana and Daisy said...

wow Jane. I think we all relate to this post. No one ever really knows what all the wife does until she quits altogether for a time, even if it is morphine induced, ha I laughed about that, seeing you beg for more.

i'm sorry you allow yourself to feel guilt over your perception that someone wants something from you, and that you should deny yourself a moment of enjoyment and do what needs doing.

I think it the way our mothers were, and well, we somehow learned it too.

I have to admit most of the messes in my house are my own. with the exception of the total filth that is the teen aged boys room.

Marsha's Mpressions said...

Loved the movie Julie and Julia! You'll love it too. Take time for yourself!! Gotta do it!

Country Wings in Phoenix said...

Oh Jane Sweetie...
Thank Goodness you wrote this, I have been wondering who in the heck had been in my kitchen at night messing it up, so it's either Pete or that Messie Fairy. Who would have thought? Like Oh My Gosh.

I love this post sweetie. So cute. What an eye opener? And just for the record. I started ironing my sons t-shirts when they were kids. They are still ironing their t-shirts today. I love the clean crisp look myself, so you go girl. I just love it.

Have a beautiful evening sweetie and a beautiful day tomorrow. Great post again. I am addicted to blogging and I work 12 hour days, and I love it. I am a proud addicted blogger. It allows ME to be ME.

Love ya girl, Sherry

Blessedmom's Simple Home said...

I have to say I was smiling as I was reading what your wrote. The guilt of taking too much time for ourselves, I don't think anyone else in my family feels that. It's just that we're all a part of the Guilty Wives/Mothers Club, isn't it? This was a great post.
Blessings,
Marcia

Beth at Aunties said...

I enjoyed your post and Yes, I think most mom's feel this way.;} Our family comes over and it seems we become the grandchildren referees, trying to keep the house from falling in while our kids, their parents are visitng and having fun catching up!:-)
I can't say I relate when it comes to my precious Mr B though. He is amazing and when he comes in from work and sees something needs to be done...he does it! Then I feel guilty if I have spent too much time playing.:)

(Actually we enjoy our time playing referee. It just shows once a kid always a kid if their mom is around to do the work!)
~♥

Wsprsweetly Of Cottages said...

No snow here in Southern California but, hey, we did get some rain. Not a lot but a bit. Lots yesterday. I only hear of snow on the news.

Guilt. Wow, I used to go through that. Years ago. No more. Not.
Nope. :) I sit on here as much as I like. I don't fix dinner if I really don't want to and this husband doesn't care. Nor did the last one. No children to take care of and my children are now the grandparents or parents of nearly grown children and...they do the guilt thingy.
However, I remember it SO well. Funny how when you get older you let the old "guilt trip" go.

And now...it's totally gone, :) and I'm loving it!
Hugs to you, Blondie. How I loved this post! I think most all women can relate to this subject, young and old.
Mona

Anonymous said...
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Pat@BPM said...

I'm really behind getting here, Jane!

I am also behind on the Sue Grafton books! I still haven't read T!!

vintage girl at heart said...

Oh my gosh I am right here with you!!! I always tell mine yall gonna miss me when I am gone!!! They think I mean death but I mean Hawaii!!!
I would much rather blog than be pickin' up their messes!!!

vintage girl at heart said...

Oh and Happy Belated Birthday.. I musta missed it when I was cleanin' up after these rascals!!

April said...

Jane...this is something we ALL can relate to, so you are definitely not alone. I can't tell you the times my husband tells me to stop picking up and just sit down and watch a little TV for a change. What he fails to remember is that if I don't do it...it won't get done! And so the cycle continues! Happy Belated Birthday to you!!!

Kathysue said...

Hi Blondie, First I reallllly want to thank you for your ever faithful reading of my new blog, I really love your comments and enjoy seeing you there. After reading this post it is even more special of you taking the time to comment on my blog. Now with that being said. I know exactly what you mean. I use to tell my kids do you think we have a Good House Fairy that mysteriously comes in the day and night and keeps the house clean. I use to have what we would call re-grouping meetings where I would tell the family what was not working for me and why the household was not running smoothly I would lay down the law and it would improve for awhile and then Whammy we would be back in the same shape. I think we women put too much pressure on ourselves. Trust me they are in their own little world not feeling guilty. It sounds to me like you have a very normal household and everyone is comfortable there so that is a plus. I know as the kids get bigger the messes actually get bigger. whats up with that. Keep balance whenever you can and try to enjoy the process whenever possible. It sounds as if you are doing just FINE!! Kathysue

Joy said...

Wow you have a lot of good books there. Just found your blog. Well I love to read too and we will be reading Julie and Julia next month for book club at the library. Have a great week!

sarah-jane down the lane said...

Hi Jane,

I hope the wayward family members have read this post and feel a tiny bit ashamed!

The snow is coming down heavy now! I would like to try some of the food brands you mentioned, I have no idea what any of them are, very intruiging. Thank you so much for your lovely comment. Sending you fairies tonight to do a little clean up while you sleep, LOL,

Sarah x

Marsha said...

Happy Belated Birthday! This was a fun post - we've all been there but I say go for the reading! I love the alphabet books too and am waiting for U at the library.

Penny said...

Love this post. I think the guilt gene was built into us on purpose. I try to clean up after dinner and feel really good next morning when I do, but sometimes I am guilty of falling asleep on the couch before it is done. Sometimes Dave does it for me, for which I am thankful. I spend way to much time on the computer but I am not apologizing because I love it. Love to read too. Love the alphabet books and Julie and julia. Enjoyed your thoughts.

Theresa said...

Wow Jane, you have been reading a lot. Good for you, I need to read more and exercise... perhaps I should read while I walk:) Anyway, let's see-I do not leave a mess in the kitchen at night. I used to many years ago. But no more. When I go to bed, everything is clean and put away or in the dishwasher. Now my closet, another story. I should get up right now and not even finish typing this and get upstairs to clean my closet. But then you would think I was mad at you and I can't have that:) I will do it later. I am retired and enjoy blogging and don't feel guilty a bit. I love it and enjoy visiting with all of you and seeing what is going in in your lives. OK, is this your blog or mine? I'll shut up and just say this, have a great day my friend!

Linda said...

OMGosh...now Jane that was a WOWZER of a post you have here...I feel you pain!

Blessings,
Linda

Kathleen Grace said...

No, I don't worry about whether my kitchen is in tip top shape before bed. I sometimes wnder why I can't be more self deciplined in that area, but I also know women who don't have anything to occupy their time other than cleaning. Their houses are spotless, but I think life is too short to obsess about everything being perfect. I have too much that I want to try to spend all my time cleaning. And guilt? I think we all suffer from it. Why is that? You are right that
the rest of the family doesn't have the same little voice of woe nagging them every time something doesn't get done. I think we do that to ourselves, and to our family I think we need to stress that everyone makes the mess, everyone needs to pitch in to clean it up! Great post Jane!

silk purse said...

Wow! What a post!~ Alas, I have no kids, but I do have a hubby and,one cat and two businesses, as well as a bed and breakfast to run along with my dear hubby!.., So on many levels I so rrelate and do understand!!..,

Guess that's why one of my repites along with my love of reading, writing, drawing, entertaining , watching great movies and painting is 'tea , tea and yes more afternoon tea'!~ I also love blogging about; you guessed it; "tea"! ..,

If you feel like indulging in some 'eyecandy' just pop over with the 'click of your mouse' and scroll to your hearts content dear Blondie!.., It would be awesome to have you visit!

Have a marvelous day!..,

Cheers from Wanda Lee, a.k.a./ Silken Purse @ The Plumed Pen

www.MaisonStGermain.com said...

OH, the stories I can tell!!!!! I have left things on the floor and waited weeks before I picked them up because no one else would. lol We can do only what we can do. I have had to learn that. I was crazy about everything having to be done. I had to learn that life will not end if it is not. Life is so much more relaxing now. We are getting a mixture of rain and snow today and it is getting windy so I know we won't be getting company to see my messy kitchen:)
~Debra
Blog: Capers of the vintage vixens

Mrs. P. said...

Happy belated birthday wishes :)

I won't bore you with the details but once upon a time I was the one who had EVERYTHING ship-shape at all times, then I was blessed with 4 wonderful children (and a husband who would leave the golf clubs in front of the stove IF he golfed, lol).

Blessings to you :)
Gail

xinex said...

Hi Janie! Come meet my brand new grandson. He was born at 6:25 AM, Wed.....Christine

FEDERICA said...

I missed your birthday! I'm sooo sorry!!!
Happy birthday!!!
Don't miss the Valentine's Day Giveaway, tomorrow on Sweet as a Candy :-)
Hugs
Federica

Pat said...

Oh my, I remember those days! With a husband, kids and they all seemed to feel that "I" was the only one that could do a myriad of things. I was so frustrated one day that I said, "This t-shirt does NOT indicate this is the Hilton! I'm not the maid and I don't get paid for all that I do so I'm sharing the responsibilities with all of you!"
Well, each person had a defined list of their chores and things were better....off & on. ;-)

You seem to accomplish so much! They probably think you're superwoman. Just remember to take care of YOU first!

xoxo
Pat

Mary said...

I do always clean up the kitchen before bed - couldn't face a mess in the morning!
I still try to keep a clean/picked up house - guess that was inbred by my dear mother. I'm not as fussy as when I was younger.........because blogging, reading, spending time with friends and granddaughter, and doing other creative things, are neccessary to keep that part of me going.......and sometimes dusting and polishing have to wait BECAUSE there is nobody who does it like me, lol!!!!!

The hit the nail on the head with this post Jane - and I stopped ironing his underwear years ago!!!

Lynn@ The Vintage Nest said...

I have to clean the kitchen up before I go to bed but it's still messy when I get up in the morning because Bobby G. gets in there for a mini breakfast before I come downstairs. Drives me nuts. He also puts away the dishes in the dishwasher for me (a job I hate) but he puts stuff away not where it belongs or big pots on top of little pots, etc. I can't complain though...can I? LOL

Sue said...

Dear Janie, I haven't cleaned my house since before Mr. S went into the hospital! It is driving me batty, but I have other things to do. I live in the kitchen, preparing meals for the schedule he is now on. I am not a schedule kind of girl, at all, let me tell you! aaaggghhh....
But I have been doing the dishes nightly and after every meal- otherwise I wouldn't have any utensils or dishes to cook the next meal with. Normally, I leave some to soak in the sink overnite if I'm too tired or lazy to do them. Bad habit to break, but I'm working on it. You have golf clubs... I have the vacuum cleaner that roams from room to room. LOL
One day soon, it will finish the job and the carpets will be vacuumed throughout. yeah, right...
only if I hire a maid and I cannot justify spending $80 to do that only to re-do what she has done because it didn't meet my expectations. Therefore, I will live with dust for a while longer! Hope all is well with you. I am doing better, as is the husband. Take care. xoxo Sue

Rosie@Journey to Charm said...

I, too, go to bed with clean kitchen counters and wake up to dirty ones at times. As I've gotten older I've gotten louder and less guilty. So most times now, the family is better at cleaning up after themselves. You gotta fight the guilt monster. lol. Rosie

Cathy said...

First...Happy Birthday!

Second...this is a darling post and sooo true! Love it!

I hope you have a wonderful Valentine's Day!
XOXO
Cathy

bj said...

Hi, Blondie..just wanting to say hi and hope your Valentines is happy!!
xo bj

Phyllis AROUND THE HOUSE said...

Well Jane your mother was right, my mom told me the same "start out like you can hold out" just throw those golf clubs out in the snow for a few days, just kidding, just ask for help, every day with what you need, maybe they will get the hint lol...Thanks for always stopping by my blog and saying such wonderful and encouraging things take care my friend...Phyllis

Happy To Be/ Gl♥ria said...

Girl I really do feel you...I'm married to a PIG I kid you not...he thinks the whole house is his dumping grounds...His house he had when I met him looked like an auto parts store...he had car parts all over it...and now he wants to make this house the same way I have spend more time picking up after him that I did my 3 kids...
Now I was sick for 2 weeks so you won't beleive what shape this house got in and I didn't care you mess it you clean it ha ha!!
Now I just rented that Julia movie last week and I found it boring and fell asleep also...maybe I'm missing something in it...Hope the book is much better...but girl since I started blogging I can't find the time to read...
Now leave the clubs right where they are and don't cook ha ha!! Hope you have a GREAT Valentine day my friend...think love ha ha!! Hugs and smiles Gl♥ria

Chari said...

Mornin' sweet lady...

I really got a hoot out of your post today, my friend! I never feel bad about blogging or the time that I spend doing it...which is alot! But then, it's usually just Russell and me at the house...there is not much to keep up with! You're absolutely right though...I'm sure that your family do the things that they enjoy...guilt free. Why shouldn't you? Hehe! I guess I could see blogging being a bit of a problem if there were children involved and not being taken care of properly. I'm sooooo glad that I'm past that stage in my life! The way I look at it...I've worked really hard...for many, many years and now it's MY time! On the other hand...I'm one of those people that can't really enjoy having fun (blogging, crafting, etc.) if there is something that NEEDS to be done!

Well my dear lady...I really enjoyed your visit to my Beloved Valentine post! Thank you so much for coming by and for leaving me such a sweet note! I sure enjoyed it!!! Have a wonderful day and...blog away, dearheart!!! Hehe!

Warmest winter wishes,
Chari @Happy To Design

susan said...

Janie-I see by the number of comments that you hit a familiar note! I guess I spent the first part of my life always trying to "do my best"--lots years and therapy later :), I have lightened up a little. I try not to live in chaos, but I won't pass the white glove test either! February is the worst month for me--I have to fight "a funk". Warmer weather should give us all a better outlook. BTW--Didn't you say you had read the American Wife? I just picked it up, and YES, I will be reading it by the fire after I finish visiting my friends in Blogland :) Happy VAlentine's Day friend!

SmilingSally said...

You go, girl! I think you've found your balance. I'm sure glad that you're not still ironing underwear!

I do straighten up at night, but I never CLEAN. So, I guess I've found my balance too. Have a great day!

The Quintessential Magpie said...

Janie, I stopped back by to wish you a very Happy Valentine's Day!

Sending you warm hugs even though it's cold down here in the Sunshine State!

Love you...

XO,

Sheila :-)

Kathy said...

Hello Jane, sorry to hear you have the cold and back pain too, I think it could be due to trying to do to much, my kids definitely make more of a fuss over me now but that is only because I live thousands of miles away and do not see them so much. I do get to read a few books and watch lot's of movies during the flights back and forth to England though. Perhaps you could move to England, that would make them sit up and listen haha. I am better now and I guess the soup and tea will be swapped for doing their ironing and errands before too long. Happy weekend. I loved J&J the book and the movie. hugs, Kathy.

Kathy said...

ops forgot to say Happy belated birthday, sorry I am so late. Kathy

Janie's World said...

Jane, I love how you just keep it real for all of us! I'm right there with you girlfriend!

Kathleen said...

Just think if you had to go to work everyday..I don't know how those gals blog and work too.
Good thing I retired so I could blog!
You write beautifully, and your mom was right,
My mom always said, "The more you do, the more they let you do!" And that is true too!
I have a pile by the steps, but it is mine..so I am guilty!

KarenB said...

This is so funny. You have a way of saying things that we all are thinking. I am actually blessed to have a husband that is cleaner than me. Yep, I know! Amazing, isn't it? But, he can't cook a thing. And, go to the grocery store? Not on your life. Well, relax, blog and have a Happy Valentine's Day.

Nancy said...

Jane, This comment is a blog post, but here goes, I was watching EMMA on PBS, and it hit me, btw, this was while my husband was out of town in Santa Barbara, and I was at the end of a dirt road in Vermont watching HIS dogs, it hit me HARD, I have become a victim, just like Jane Austen's characters, and I didn't HAVE to become one. We have had many women fight for us since then, I went to Syracuse, for God's sake, have a master's degree, and here I sit, in a foreign country (Vermont IS a foreign country, trust me) without a friend or family. How DID I do this to myself? Well, I became totally wrapped up in taking care of our child, most of the time alone, since the other half travels. Ending? I'm going to make plans to go to Houston to see friends and revamp my business, and THEN I hope we are going to do the Houston Urban Antique Market. I CAN do this!!!

Oh, and I may iron a few hundred undershirts and boxers between my trips, but my motto is "Remember Jane Austen!"