Now, how did I go off on this tangent? I don't know. About an hour ago I was outside arranging my little scarecrows on my huge haystacks and the wind was whipping and the leaves were flying and it is only about 60 degrees here in Chicago. I was enjoying every breath of rain sodden, leafy smelling air. And that is the way it should be. I want to live in the moment, even if I am late for the moment. And who determines what late is?? Me. ME!!!! Why am I always late? Because I simply follow my own clock.
I am not too much of a cute person. I really don't do cute well. But these are for all the little kids that walk by on their way to and from school, wearing my children's former uniforms. The littlest ones stop and point. I can see them out the window and it makes me smile. I have been making fires in the fireplace about 5:00 every evening, lighting my candles with scents like Spiced Cider and Clove Bud & Citrus. I do this before The Husband and Kevin come home just so I can have a little time to enjoy the quietness, the savory smells and the crackling of the fire. I'm peaceful inside.
After awhile it will feel like the weather is holding us hostage. A short trip out in the car looms in front of me because it means dressing up warm, maybe cleaning the snow off the car windows and waiting for it to warm up. Even my feet hitting the cold floor in the morning is a reason to mumble to myself. Curling up at night with a good book and a warm throw over my lap has remarkable qualities until I think of having to do it all again tomorrow. How to stay positive... How to live in the moment when the moment isn't so hot.
When I bought this threesome last year, it was supposed to be Me, Emily and Abby (we were going to use a black marker on Abby's hair!!). Abigail came home from school this weekend. I picked her up at the Greyhound station. Just the other day I remarked to Emily, "Doesn't it seem like it hasn't sunk in that Abby has gone away?" To which Emily replied happily, "Nope." And other than the first week, where I would sometimes think that she was home, I have been fine. I am remarkably fine. I hope it isn't my usual denial reflex kicking in, but everything just seems to keep going along at it's normal pace. Sitting up at the lake one weekend not too long ago, I realized all of this. And I thought of how one by one I had sort of lost a child to the lake. They reached an age where they didn't want to be up there and away from home, away from their friends. Green Acres just wasn't the place to be. So one by one they stopped coming. For the last two years or so, The Husband and I have been alone there on weekends, sometimes longer. And so I realized, I have said my goodbyes to all of them, including Abby. I may have been the one who left.
We used to refer to my mother as 'the old crow'. Don't be shocked...she got some sort of kick out of it. We'd be out shopping and we'd say "C'mon you old crow!" and she'd laugh. Yes, I come from a family with a quirky sense of humor. Well, I remember her sitting in her chair in the evening with her book and a cup of coffee, while I prepared to go out to some party or event. I felt sorry for her. That she was going to sit there alone. My father was usually quietly watching television or dozing on the couch. Of course there was absolutely no reason to feel sorry for her, just as there is no reason for my children to feel sorry for me. But I wonder if they do. I am usually sitting there at night, book in hand as I say, "Have a nice night. Be safe." I'm content. I am not yearning for more than what I have. My wants may be more simple now that I am older, and even that is enough to be happy about So I say to myself, "Hey, you old crow. Look at what I'm doing. I'm just like you. I hope you were happy..."
I bought yellow and white mums. I thought they would look good with my blue shutters. I also bought some pansies to switch out my pots of impatiens with. I've never done that before. Pansies can survive a frost. Here in Chicago, in the spring, after all the tulips and daffodils have died off, you see the pansies everywhere. The first flowers that will take us into summer. And we can't wait...we are done with spring. Bring on those hot, sunny days. Well then you know what comes after that...I do feel so bad for my friends in the South and in Arizona and California (did I miss anyone) who are still trying to cope with the incredible heat they have been having. We were so lucky here in the Midwest with perfect weather. But as with any season, one day starts to blend in with the next, punctuated by holidays, and while time marches on, it also flies by. Suddenly we are older and we want time to slow down. Yet we still push forward with our seasons.
Everything is looking a bit shabby here. I once confessed to my sister that about August, I began to tire of taking care of my garden and yard. I wasn't out pulling every little weed or fertilizing like I should. She admitted that she felt the same way and we laughed. I don't know if any of you feel that way. So you can see that I have not been out with the hedge trimmers lately. Hey, I like 'shabby chic', indoors and out!! How does the blue and yellow look?
My geraniums refuse to let go. And I can't toss out a live plant. To the right of the plant you can see a new pot of lavender I bought. What a deal I got and look at the size of it. When my geraniums finally succumb to the frosts. I will plant the lavender in the pot to winter over. Then I think I'll keep it on the patio where I can smell it. Mmmmm!
What a funny guy this is, on his swing. I think he loves fall. I think I do too. Soon I will be replacing these decorations with some balsam wreaths and Christmas lights. But the old crow says "Wait. What's the hurry? I'm having fun!" So that's the way it is. I'm slowing down. The days may be shorter but I still have 16 hours. And now I am going to throw another log on the fire and curl up with a good book.
Have a wonderful weekend! :-)